_Divorce is a very stressful and painful event. The pain and stress do not end when the final papers are signed. There are lots of emotions to work through, along with creating a new financial plan, custody issues if you have children and for some, new living arrangements. The aftermath of divorce can leave you vulnerable and depressed. It is important to be aware of your emotional state and know how to take care of yourself.

Allow Yourself to Feel

If you have children, you especially want to be strong for them. But, it's important that you allow yourself to feel your emotions. If you deny your feelings, they will resurface at some point later on. For most people, there is a grieving process in the aftermath of divorce, much like grieving from a death. Allow yourself to feel, to cry or whatever it takes to work through your emotions.

Stay Focused

Many people feel they are on an emotional roller coaster ride in the aftermath of divorce. There are so many issues to deal with such as custody and visitations if you have children, financial planning, where you will live, possibly seeking employment, and how you will move on emotionally. Focus on what is most important. You don't have to plan out your new life in a day's time. If it helps you to stay focused, write down what steps you need to take to address any issues you are facing.

Take Care of Yourself

Taking care of yourself is not selfish. You need to take care of yourself physically in order to be more emotionally healthy. Eat healthy meals. Exercise, even if for a few moments a day. Take time to relax and clear your mind as much as possible. Look for the small blessings in life that you are given each day.

Seek Support

In the aftermath of divorce you need a support system. Turn to friends or family members who care. Let them know what you are going through. If your emotional state is severe, consider seeking professional or clergical help.

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_Depression after divorce is common, especially if you’ve just separated with the person you’ve been with for many years. However, you shouldn’t dwell on the feeling for longer than necessary. It is okay to mourn the end of a relationship, but it shouldn't ruin your life or the lives of other people around you.

If you have children, you need to be strong for them. Children may be affected by the divorce more than it affects you. It is important not to neglect your children's needs while you mourn for the loss of your marriage. Distinguish the difference between depression and sadness, because this can help in preventing a clinical disease that may eventually affect you and the people around you. If you feel you are more than just sad, consider seeking professional or clergical counseling.

Dealing with a messy divorce can be truly heartbreaking and this may change the way you feel about yourself. However, you shouldn’t let this be the end of your life. There is life after divorce and you should be finding support with friends, family and the people you care about. Take this time to do the things you wanted to do, but could not. Take up classes, enjoy a night out with friends, start dating again  when the time is right. Depression cannot be fought by medicine alone. You have to be determined to survive the divorce and focus on becoming happy again if you want to fight depression after divorce.

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_No marriage is perfect. Every couple goes through ebbs and flows. Too often couples threaten to divorce when things aren't going well without looking for ways to improve their marriage. Poor communication is often at the root of not being able to solve the problems.

Before thinking of hiring a divorce attorney, think of the consequences of divorcing your partner. Many times getting a divorce causes more problems than you had in the marriage. Financially, one or both partners usually get burned. If children are involved, they suffer right along with you, emotionally. Starting your lives over is rarely easy.

Never get a divorce out of anger. Think realistically about why you feel the need for a divorce. Is it really your best option? Are you and your partner willing to find ways to communicate better and solve the existing problems?

You married your partner for a reason. Remember those reasons and think long and hard before you make the decision to hire a divorce attorney.

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Divorce Articles 11/06/2011
 
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A Christian Divorcee's Purpose
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_In a marriage, the finances of two people are put together to use for the interest of both spouses. This is a comfortable set up because you work together when it comes to money. However, when a married couple goes through a divorce, the finances of each partner are both affected.

Aside from trying to split up the assets, there will also be fees to be paid for the divorce. Sometimes, a single account cannot be divided equally between two people if one partner files a powerful case against the other. Cases that involve adultery or abuse may result in the victimized partner to receive more than the share of the other, depending on the laws in your area. Before going through with a divorce, both partners should consult a divorce lawyer to understand the impact of the divorce on your finances. If the partners are willing to work out a civil agreement, it might be the best option for both parties.

In a divorce, not only will you be splitting money, but you will also be splitting the house, car and other assets. While the partner getting custody of the children might be awarded ownership of the home, if they cannot pay for it months later, it will only become a liability. Unpaid credit card companies may also cause a financial downfall when they collect from both partners after a divorce even if only one spouse used the card. Make sure you are prepared for the aftermath of your finances after a divorce before pursuing legal separation. Protect yourself as well as your children, by getting professional advice to assess your finances before and after a divorce settlement.

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_Divorce is rarely easy for anyone involved. Even if a divorce was consensual, the two parties involved might have lingering animosity toward each other. This can strongly impact the children.

Children are affected after a divorce. When the two parents are in strong conflict with each other, the children will be affected even more. A child doesn't need to hear their parents fighting. They don't need to be put in the position of taking sides.
  • Don't argue with each other in front of your children.
  • Be mindful of what you say about your ex in front of your children. Remember, they love both of you.
  • Don't attempt to get your children to take sides. 
  • Try to resolve conflicts between the two of you in a private setting and away from your children.
Children deserve a strong support system and a nurturing environment from both parents. Strive to find a common ground between your and your ex. The resentment and anger you hold toward your ex has no positive results. Finding a way to let go of the toxic feelings will benefit your children and you.

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Often when couples entertain the thought of divorce, one party will threaten to take everything--down to the pet hamster. The threatening spouse might become very verbal and nasty about the actions they plan to take. The other spouse becomes intimidated and conflicted with what they would do if they lose everything. This is especially true for the spouse who has been a stay-at-home parent without viable job skills.

Keep in mind, your spouse is not above the law. In a divorce, you will be granted what is within the law. Ignore what a spouse threatens to do and consult a reputable attorney to see what your rights are within your state or country. Most attorneys offer a free consultation.

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My name is Renee. I was married for 21 years. My husband and I had 2 children together. Neither of us had been married before. I was a stay-at-home mother. My husband was a hard worker at his high-profile job. Life was good until my husband started traveling out of town for business. Evidence starting accumulating that maybe he was cheating. I was devastated!

How could my loving and Christian husband be cheating on me, on our family? The truth eventually came out after many lies and heartbreak. I thought surely my husband would beg for forgiveness. Instead, he asked for a divorce. He said he'd been unhappy for years. I suddenly felt sick and wondered who this man was that I had married. He now felt like a stranger and I felt like an idiot for not being able to see his true colors.

The divorce was horrible. I thought my husband would be generous since he was the one who destroyed our marriage and family. But, he tried to get the house, the kids -- everything! I can't say he got what he wanted, but he sure put up one heck of a fight. I got the house and the children, but am now struggling to make ends meet. It doesn't seem fair to be punished for what my husband did. It isn't fair to our children!

My children are starting to heal somewhat, but I can see the divorce still hurts them. Their lifestyle has changed. They can't understand why daddy wanted out. Truth be told, he doesn't come around like he should for his children. He seems to enjoy his time spent with multiple women. How can you explain to children of any age why daddy changed? I can't even explain it to myself. Maybe he was a loser all along.

I'm determined to have a better life and move on from this disaster. Starting over after 40 isn't easy, but I won't let it be the end!

-Renee
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